There are so many reasons women think about booking a boudoir session for months—or even years—before actually doing it. Maybe they’re nervous about being photographed, waiting to lose weight, unsure what the experience will be like, or worried they’ll invest in a session only to see the photographs afterward and not like what they see. Sometimes, the biggest hurdle is simply trusting someone with an experience that feels incredibly personal.
Sarah had been thinking about doing a boudoir session for a while, but she hadn’t quite found the courage to go through with it. After a really difficult couple of years, she was finally starting to feel more like herself again, and boudoir felt like something that could be empowering. Still, she was afraid. She had seen other boudoir work and knew what she did and didn’t want, but more importantly, she wanted to find someone she would feel comfortable with.
Then one of my Facebook ads popped up.
Sarah decided to take a chance and submit her information, although she admitted during our interview that part of her wondered whether the whole thing was even real. She laughed as she remembered thinking, “This is a scam. This is not real.” Once I contacted her and we started talking, though, it suddenly became very real: she was actually going to do this.
What If I Don’t Like the Photos?
Interestingly, Sarah’s biggest fear wasn’t necessarily the session itself. What made her nervous was the possibility of going through the entire experience and then seeing the photographs and thinking, “I look as bad as I feel.”
I think that fear is far more common than women realize. Boudoir is an investment, and you’re committing to an experience before you know exactly what your final photographs will look like. You’re trusting your photographer not only to know lighting, posing and angles, but to understand you and create photographs that actually feel like you.
That trust is one of the reasons my process begins well before session day. Sarah and I had multiple conversations before she ever walked into my studio. We talked about the experience, what she wanted, her style and what she was drawn to. Those conversations also gave us a chance to simply get to know one another.
Sarah told me that having that connection beforehand made a difference because boudoir is such a personal and vulnerable experience. By the time she arrived, she already knew what I looked like, knew my personality and had a sense of my energy. She wasn’t meeting a complete stranger for the first time while also trying to get comfortable in front of a camera.
Creating a Session That Actually Felt Like Sarah
Getting to know Sarah beforehand also helped me understand what I wanted to create for her. She had seen boudoir sessions her friends had done and thought they were beautiful, but they weren’t necessarily her. She described some of them as floral, dainty and pretty, while her own personality and style lean much more toward the edgy, dark and Gothic side.
One thing she told me she appreciated was that the process wasn’t about making her fit into whatever I already had planned. As she explained it, “It wasn’t like, ‘You’re going to come to my studio, you’re going to do the sets that I have, and we’re going to make you fit to me.’ It was, ‘How can I fit to you?’”
That is such an important part of a custom session for me. I don’t want every woman who walks through my doors to have the same experience or the same photographs. What feels beautiful, sexy or powerful to one woman might feel completely wrong for someone else. Sarah chose the Angel Wings for one of her sets, and we created them with a darker feel that suited her. She absolutely loved them—and said wearing them made her feel like a badass.
What Happened When Session Day Finally Arrived
Sarah actually worked the morning of her session and went back to work afterward, which she now says she wouldn’t recommend. In hindsight, she wishes she had taken the entire day off and allowed herself to fully enjoy the experience as a day of self-care. On the bright side, being so busy beforehand meant she barely had time to sit around getting nervous.
Once she arrived at the studio, those nerves didn’t have much room to stick around anyway. She settled in for hair and makeup, got comfortable, and said the atmosphere felt peaceful and welcoming. At one point during our interview, she laughed about being offered drinks and taken care of and said, “I felt like a princess.”
As we moved into the actual session, I showed her a few sneak peeks from the back of my camera. Her reaction is probably one of my favorite parts of our conversation because she genuinely couldn’t believe what she was seeing.
“No, that’s not me,” she remembered thinking. “I don’t know who you’re photographing, but it’s not me.”
It was her.
The woman she was looking at in those photographs was the same woman who had walked into the studio worried that she might see the images and feel disappointed in herself.
“The Way You Walk In Is Not How You Walk Out”
Toward the end of our conversation, I asked Sarah what she would tell another woman who was considering boudoir but felt nervous about actually booking it. She told me she has already talked to several of her friends about her experience and encourages them to do it—not necessarily for a wedding, anniversary or partner, but for themselves.
Sarah talked about how difficult it can sometimes be to feel sexy as we get older and our bodies change. For women who have had children especially, our bodies may not look the way they did in our early twenties, and it can be easy to convince ourselves that we need to change something before we deserve to feel beautiful again.
But one of Sarah’s biggest messages was that you don’t have to.
“You don’t need to lose weight. You don’t need to get rid of stretch marks.”
You don’t have to wait until you reach a certain number on the scale, feel completely confident, or somehow become a different version of yourself before having photographs taken. In fact, sometimes the point of the experience is seeing the person who is already there a little differently.
Sarah described it perfectly when she said, “The way you walk in is not how you walk out.” She came into her session nervous about how she would look and walked away feeling more confident. Then she saw the finished photographs and couldn’t believe they were her.
You Don’t Need a Reason to Do Something for Yourself
Boudoir can absolutely be a gift for a wedding, anniversary or partner, but it doesn’t need to be. Sarah’s experience was something she chose to do for herself after a difficult period in her life, at a time when she was beginning to feel more like herself again.
I think we spend a lot of time telling ourselves we’ll do things later. After we lose the weight. After life calms down. When we feel more confident. When we’re in better shape. When we finally feel ready.
The problem is that there is always another “after.”
Where you are right now matters, too. Our bodies and our lives will continue to change, and there is nothing wrong with wanting to document and celebrate the woman you are today. If you lose 20 pounds later and want another boudoir session, come back and do another one. Sarah was already talking about doing it again before we were finished.
Apparently, I wasn’t kidding when I warned her boudoir can become a little addictive.
Behind the Sessions
I created Behind the Sessions because I wanted women considering a session to hear about the experience from the people who have actually done it. I can explain my process, show you photographs and tell you what session day is like, but hearing another woman talk about what she was afraid of beforehand—and how she felt afterward—is different.
Sarah didn’t walk into this completely confident and fearless. She had the same kinds of questions and insecurities so many women have. She worried about trusting the right photographer. She wondered whether she would like her photographs. She wondered what she was getting herself into.
And then she did it.
As Sarah said at the end of our conversation: “Yes, do it.”